Purity.

Light streams through the open window, bathing the beautiful white petals of the freshly picked flowers in a wonderful glow. White roses, they are. They stand straight in the glass vase that they have been placed in. Half filled with water, the vase gives support to the long stemmed roses that stand up with pride. Of course they have something to be proud of. They are beautiful, have the most magnificent scent and symbolize purity and innocence. The light passes through the glass vase creating a rainbow on the marble top. How wonderful the sight of a rainbow is. Seven divine colors, seamlessly blending into one another creating a pleasant sight to see. A breeze flies through the window, ruffling the petals of the roses, wafting its scent throughout the room. A white Persian cat appears through the door held ajar by a pair of red sneakers. It jumps lightly onto the flower patterned armchair sitting beneath the marble top where the roses lay. As the cat paws softly at the furniture, a dew drop falls on it as the roses sway in the breeze. It glares up at the flowers, growling lightly and shaking out its fur. With a smooth leap, it lands next to the vase on the marble top. One whiff of the roses' scent and the cat relaxes instantly. It lays its head on its paws and purrs in the warm patch of sunshine, enjoying the cool breeze and the company of the roses.

Fall.

Things I love about Fall.

Chilly Mornings.
When you wake up in the mornings and your blanket is declaring its love for you and your bed doesn't want to let you go and there is a chill in the air that makes you hide under your blanket and not wanna come out ever, that's when you know its almost time for winter. Although it is a pain to get up to go to uni, chilly mornings are still my favorite.

Coffee.
Even though I drink hot coffee all year long, fall is a season where people won't look at me in disbelief and go "Isn't it too hot to be drinking that?' I can curl up on my couch wearing my comfiest, coziest sweater with a cup of hot coffee in my hand and just enjoy life. In todays world where everything is moving so fast you hardly have time to stop for a second and breathe, having a moment to yourself is a gift.

Sweater weather.

It's finally time to pull out your warm sweaters and hoodies that have been locked up for the summer. It is a good time to be alive cuz it is 'socially acceptable' to go out in whats basically your night suit. Yay for soft fluffy sweaters and big warm hoodies.

Boots.
One of my favorite fashion pieces are boots. Long boots. High heeled booties. Wedge boots. Little ankle booties. AAAH. I just love all of them. I love pairing them with jeans and wish I could pull them all all year long.

Bonfires.

One thing that doesn't start until its too cold to feel your finfers are bonfires. But I still wait for them impatiently. I really love how during bonfires you relive old memories and there's just this carefree feeling that everyone seems to be high on. It's my most favorite feeling ever. Singing songs. Reminiscing. And bonding over it all.

Turning leaves.
Of course the whole point of 'fall' are the autumn leaves falling down. I've never witnessed the proper fall but I see the trees turning brown and shedding their lovely leaves to the ground. I just can't resist walking on the leaves, crunching them under my feet and just enjoying my day.

Shake it off.

Getting upset over something someone did is totally okay. But you should never let it get you too down or feel as if you are not enough, People don't realize the power of words. They are inconsiderate and don't think of the consequences of what they're saying. But that doesn't mean you should let that make you feel inferior. Instead talk to the people you love, do the things you enjoy and forget what others think and just be you.

Shopping, for most of us if not all of us, is a kind of therapy. We enter our favorite store, gawking around at the beautiful things that we might wear the next day, already imagining the perfect outfit next time we go to class and for one moment everything in the world is problem free. There is no drama. There is no pain. There is just the joy of shopping.

Go for a walk. It clears the mind and gives you some 'me' time. Let go of your fears and insecurities and just breathe in the cool autumn air and enjoy life for once. Hell, step on those crunchy leaves if that's what you want to do.

And if blasting TSwift in your room dancing around to it is what makes you happy then no one can tell you otherwise. Music has a way of making you so happy you forget what you were sad about. After all 'haters gonna hate'.

Trust.

I openly admit that I have serious trust issues. Reason being that I have had my trust completely shattered by different people. Hence you can't blame me for being cautious. I'm a very outgoing person. I'll make many friends, very easily. But as soon as I start getting close to someone I put up a wall. I believe in the saying 'better safe than sorry'. But sometimes my walls are too thick. They don't let the people who actually want to help in. But how do I see the difference between who's safe and who's not? Do I take a chance and get hurt or play it safe? I'm still trying to figure it out.

Inspiration.

 Lately I've been feeling pretty uninspired when it comes to blog writing. I open my blogger dashboard and stare at the blank page for so long that I lose track of time. I'm not a very patient person. But I'm also a perfectionist. I don't give up easily either. These qualities combined together make it very hard for me to not write for a long time. Writing is a passion of mine and if I say I don't have time to write then I am just fooling myself. Also I really hate when people say "I don't have the time to do that." Or "I am so busy I can't possibly do this." The concept of not having the time to do something is basically false. It's all about priorities and preferences. If you love something YOU WILL make time for it, no matter how busy your schedule is. And whenever I'm having problems with blogging I have to remind myself that this is something I love. Something that I want to be doing. And I will keep doing it until it is ingrained in my brain that no matter what happens I will blog. Obviously there will be days where I will be facing a writing block or some other issue. But this rule is mainly for putting off things and procrastinating, a bad habit of mine. (oops)

Inspiration comes from everything. You might be sitting in class studying geometry and something the teacher said might inspire you to write about something entirely unrelated to geometry. Then there's nature, which inspires unexpectedly. Try sitting in a park one day, just sitting with your notebook, looking around and noticing things. TRUST ME. You will be so inspired, you wont even believe it. Noticing whats happening around you is a great way to get your creative juices flowing. Look beneath the surface. Read between the lines. USE A LOT OF IDIOMS. (they're so fun I LOVE 'EM)

I don't know when this turned to a "tips to get inspired" blog post but that's where my thoughts took me. At least I'm over my writing block so I'm gonna go ahead and post this ramble.

As always. Thanks for reading.

Starting Uni...

Starting university is like stepping into a new era of your life.

While the thought of having a new start in a totally different place from where you were last sounds appealing, it is the idea of having to interact with people you don't know that sounds terrifying! Even if I consider myself to be the most outgoing, gregarious person, I might still be haunted a bit ( just a tiny little bit ) by the idea of a new beginning. Change is difficult for most people. It is human nature to reject the unfamiliar things because we don't know how to behave in such situations.

Also there's the fact that there already might be cliques and groups in your batch. Friends who come to the uni together from their college, people who met during the orientation week you missed. Acquiring that extra bout of confidence might be a lot harder than you think. But I guess its better to put yourself out there rather than be miserable and alone for the rest of the semester. I might also not follow my own advice once I start uni but we'll see.

My classes start in a while and I'm pretty excited but to be honest I'm very nervous too.
*fingers crossed*

Bedside Stack #2

Another bedside table stack! Here's what I've been reading and loving lately. Enjoy!

Book I love - The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseni

This book is a masterpiece. So soo amazing. One of the few books which actually 'move you'. Shows the horrible realities that people have endured and is painfully beautiful.

Book I recently finished - Room by Emma Donoghue

I picked this book up just because it was lonely in the bookstore. Excellent excuse I know. :P Anyways this is a very good book and a must read as it was soo beautifully written and so unique.

Book I'm currently reading - Let It Snow by John Green, Lauren Myracle and Maureen Johnson

I normally don't read Christmas books but just got this on a whim. A quick fun read following three stories which overlap and end on a sweet note at the end.

Book to be read - Message In A Bottle by Nicholas Sparks

So I have this pet peeve when I can't read the book when I've watched the movie. I've heard that the movie of this book is good so thought I should try the book out first. EXCITED.

State Of Tranquility.

Sometimes when I'm lying in bed, with my eyes cast upward staring at the ceiling, and the music leaking out of my earbuds, mind wandering, searching I'm happy. No not happy, that's not the right word. Satisfied, pleased, at ease, are words that I would use to describe this feeling. This serene feeling that gives me hope that all is not lost. That helps me go through another day wishing it is the one that will bring answers. When I'm breathing slowly and then deeply when I realize I can, all I can be is grateful. And content.

Ignorance Is Bliss.

I've always been the kind of person who hates being left in the dark. I hate when someone is keeping secrects from me. Unfortunately (for those who are hiding it) I have an uncanny way of somehow finding it out. Sooner or later. I'm sneaky that way... haha.

But I love surprises... only the good kind though.  I love knowing that someone cared enough about me to plan a surprise, something I might like. But that is entirely a different matter.

I believe that sometimes being left in the dark is better.  Not for petty things like who's dating who... etc etc. If someone is hiding that he/she knows you can do better with not knowing about, then I think that it should be kept that way.

For me, at such a situation its a matter of trust. Do I trust the person enough to think that they know what I'd like to know/not know? Because honestly I am the one who has the right to decide what's good or bad for me. But for big decisions one can't ever tell.

Afterall you can't 'unknow' something once you know it. You can't go back and edit, cut or delete. Sad, but true.

Decision Making.

The worse part is not knowing what you want. I'm in that phase of my life where I have no freaking clue where I wanna be in the next few years. No idea of the consequences I might face for choosing what I will. I guess that's the main problem. I guess I'm not taking that step because I'm afraid of what might happen or what people will think. Maybe I should stop caring about what others think. Maybe I should think about what I wanna do and what I want for me. Because in the end I am the one who'll have to face the consequences. I guess its time to finally take that leap of faith.

Reminiscing.

What do I do when I can't get you out of my mind? 
When at every breath I wish I could turn back time. 

Fingers hovering over the keyboard. Wondering if I should text you.
Maybe I should, if just to say goodbye. 

I woke up crying just because you're starring in my dreams now.
Maybe writing it down will help me out somehow.

Hello! So I just wrote this poem today. I was reminiscing all day and finally put my thoughts in order. Hope you like it. Thanks for reading!

Rain. ♡

Drip, Drip goes the sound,
right into your soul. 
Making you feel things
that you've never felt before.

There's just something about rain... it brings unwelcome feelings to the front of the mind. Not bad feelings but not necessarily good either.

Just unwelcome. 

Rain brings a fresh feeling. The sound and smell of rain settling on mud is just so relaxing and calming and overwhelming at the same time.

To some people rain seems gloomy. I agree that it makes you want to sit by the window drinking coffee and reminiscing about past loves but its not always gloomy. To me, rain symbolizes fun times, joyful and carefree moments. Some of my best memories have been made in rain.

Honestly I pity the people who do not enjoy rain. I don't hate them, just pity them for they miss out on all the good things. They refuse to let go and dance and jump in the puddles 'and come on! Who doesn't love dancing in the rain?

Random Clicks - March

So the month of March went by real fast. It was also a very fun month. Half of it was spent baking delicacies. And the other half, stuffing my face with those treats.

Random Clicks Of March

These are really amazing cinnamon buns. My mouth is watering just from the sight of them. Yum. ♡

Also baked some chocolate marble cupcakes. ♡

Just a shot of my carry on. I stayed at my Grandmother's place for half the month soo yeah.

Butterfly! Isn't it beautiful? 

I went to this beautiful flower exhibition in March. It blew me away. And it smelled SOO GOODD! ♡

PS: All pictures taken by me and posted on my personal instagram.
Hope you enjoy!

Be Brave.

Hey you. Yeah you. I've got a message for you. Take a leap of faith. Give it a try. Fulfil that dream. Don't be afraid. Be brave.

Because this life. It's short. Really short. And you get just one chance. One shot. And you don't wanna miss it. Don't wanna waste it on would've beens and what ifs. Some people want to leave their mark on the world. Some want to make this world a better place.  Others just want to be able to stand on their own feet and be independent. Whatever you're dream is. Big or small. It can be achieved. With hardwork and perseverance. With bravery and courage. With faith and belief. One step at a time. Just remember: It's okay to go slow, as long as you don't stop.

Fascination With Words.

Its obvious that I have a fascination with words. But I've never really stopped and thought much about it. When this happened, I realized that whenever I see something beautiful written, be it a poem or a passage from a book, I'm amazed. I'm amazed at the fact that someone somewhere wrote this thinking that its just something simple that they wrote. Something ordinary.  Whereas here I am, marveling at the amazing-ness of it. I guess it's the 'someone's trash is someone's treasure' case.

One of the times when this happened to me was when I was reading 'Why we broke up' by Daniel Handler. That book. *sigh*. It's one of the most peculiar books that I've read. In the good way. It's definitely not everyone's cup of tea. But I fell in love with it. Totally, completely and most of all, blindly, just like the girl in this book falls in love with the wrong guy. One of my favorite quotes from this book...

'I’m a blemished blemish, a ruined ruin, a stained wreck so failed I can’t see what I used to be.'

Another...

'A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says. She walks down the street and the storefronts look the same, even as we linger on their flickering reflections. The cars move quickly, slowly, quickly down the block. She gets coffee and says it tastes different, quietly, to herself. The sky looks sad, she says, but she’s not sad. It rains and she sees the boy again. The phone rings—it’s another day, or the same day, who can tell, the girl thinks with her coffee, when the whole world has changed? She gets coffee again, the cars go by, reflected in the window. The world, she thinks, has changed.'

Isn't that the truest thing, ever?

People who can express themselves through words are soo lucky. I just get stuck. People have asked me to review books and I just think how will I be able to explain how much I love 'The Fault In Our Stars'? Or how drastically 'The Book Thief' changed me? Or how 'The Clockwork Princess' made me shed buckets of tears? in just a couple of words? A few paragraphs is the limit given to me to convince someone to give this book a chance. Impossible is what I think. I still attempt it sometimes cause never give up yeah?


As always thanks for reading my ramblings.

Strawberry Picking.

STRAWBERRY PICKING. 

Last Sunday, a family member arranged a spring picnic of sorts in this strawberry farm near her town. I, along with a couple of my cousins, got on a road trip to go strawberry picking. What an experience!

There were rows upon rows of patches like this spread out with strawberries laid out for picking.

The strawberries looked so pretty, lying there, just waiting to be plucked and devoured. The taste! The taste was so amazing and I think I might've had over a hundred. Oops. 

I found the perfect strawberry and had to have its picture of taken.

 Some of the strawberries I picked before I munched on them. Yum!

I have to end this post by this picture of these mini strawberries I found. I saved them for last and they were delish!

Overall. It was an amazing day and I had wayyy too much fun! Strawberries being my favorite fruit, this trip easily became my favorite picnic ever.

As always, thanks for reading. 

Writing By The Lamplight.

I think the reason why most people, myself included, prefer to write at night is because that's when it's most peaceful. When we're winding down from the day we've had and are just relaxing in our 'me-time'. How our day went is surely reflected in our writing even if we're not writing a journal entry. I keep a journal as well as write just because I like it. It's not an everyday journal, more like every couple of days I write something interesting that has happened like an event or a trip. Lately though my journal has been empty because blogging takes up a lot of my writing time.


Writing at night also makes me calmer and really helps untangle the mess in my mind. I sleep better on days that I've spent writing and even better when at night, the last thing I do is write. Tonight is definitely one of those nights. My pen keeps falling out of my fingers and I've dozed off twice. Off I go then. Good night.

xxx

On Needing Friends.

There was a time in my life when I truly believed that one couldn't survive without friends. That a person, no matter how strong, needed someone to lean on. Someone that acts as a boulder in hard times. A shining beacon of light in the darkness.

But I have changed a lot in the past couple of years. I have experienced too many things regarding trust and friendship . I don't want to act like the protagonist of some fictional novel who experiences unimaginable stuff that changes her. I don't even want to pretend like I know what the people who are twice my age have been through but I am not an innocent, no matter my age.

My concept of having friends or 'needing' them has totally changed. I think that everyone should have a few friends who they can trust and count on. But it does not necessarily mean that you 'need' these friends to do something extraordinary in life. Sure, you need to have the support and love they give and give it to them if they need it but you can achieve brilliance and whatever you want just by your own hard work.

Good friends are hard to find but we get our hearts broken and our trust crushed in the process. My advice, treasure the best friend you have but make sure they are someone who deserve your trust and love. Not someone who is using you, even if they are unaware of it.

Can't Be Gone.

Hello! So it's been a while since I've written a story and a couple of days ago I just sat and wrote this baby down. I hope you like it!


Raleen had never been pulled out of class with the news that her mother wanted to see her. And never had she been asked to bring her bags and books too. Her heart pounded loudly, filling with dread with each step she took. He's not gone. He cant be gone. He's not gone. But as she walked towards the principal's office, last night came to her mind.

"It could be tonight." He'd said, his hand gripping hers tightly.
Raleen hated hospitals. They symbolised loss and she wasn't ready to let go of her father so soon. The beeping of the monitor was a comfort as well as a source of pain as the monitor counted her father's heart beats but signalled that they were numbered.
"Oh, Dad," she squeezed his fingers. "You know that I'm not going to give you up to cancer."
She leaned in and kissed his forehead. She smiled at him although her heart ached.
"Combined with your strong will and my stubbornness, we'll beat this sucker."
"Not to mention the power of your mother's strawberry cheesecake," he added weakly, eyes half-closed. 
"That too." I let go of his hand, picked up my messenger bag, then walked to the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow." I turned to look at him one last time and wasn't surprised to see that he'd already fallen asleep.

With tears streaming down her face, she turned the last corner to the principal's office and almost collided with her mother. She was leaning face first into the wall, hands pressed to her face. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and she looked as if she would faint any second.
"Mom?"
Mara James straightened, breathing in deeply. She was a beautiful woman, long auburn hair and big green eyes that she'd passed on to her daughter. Those eyes were filled with tears now as she looked at her daughter. And Raleen's world came crashing down.
"No." Raleen muttered, her bag dropping to the floor. "No. No. No. Mom, it cant...he...he cant...
"Ray," her mother's arms came around her, holding her tightly. "James is...he's...gone."

Raleen leaned against the wall, trying to breathe. But the air wouldn't move past her mouth, leaving her gasping and hyperventilating. She slid down the wall and recalled the way she'd squeezed his hand and promised him that she wouldn't let go. His kind brown eyes and smile flashed in front of her eyes, just before everything went black.


I really hope you like it and thanks for reading!

Random Clicks - February

Even though February is just two days short of a normal month, it feels like ten days long. And because I was traveling during this month I had very little time to take pictures. Oh well. Here we go!

Random Clicks Of February.

The start of the trip with my OOTD. Comfy shoes, jeans, one of my favourite tees, and a comfy sweater. This outfit screams casual and it is my to go. 

Went to this Cafe called the Coffee, Tea and Company for breakfast. I got these amazing chocolate banana waffles. Heart shaped waffles topped with yummy Nutella. SOOO GOOD!

This picture shows my love for chocolate as well as books. The chocolate obviously is Toblerone and the book is 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' by 'Khaled Hosseni'.

A pretty purse-seat that I saw at a store in the mall. It looked so elegant sitting there that I had to take a picture. 

PS : All pictures taken by me and posted on my personal instagram.

Sometimes I Just Write...

Sometimes I just write and write, my thoughts pouring out of me so fast that I myself can't keep up. It starts as something I think I wanna talk about but as I go on writing it morphs into something entirely different. This happens mostly when I haven't written in a while. All the things that have affected me during the time that I haven't written fight to be heard. So it all comes out jumbled and making no sense to anyone but me. I still post those drabbles though because they're me and I feel better when they're done. I feel better that they're out there floating around in my little corner on the internet.

Trust Issues.

Lately I've been feeling very confused and puzzled when it comes to people and who they are and what they mean to me. I've seen so many versions of people I don't know which one to believe to be the real one. And in turn I've realized that I've separated myself into different versions too. When I meet someone I show them my happiest side. The fun, carefree, easygoing girl with no worries in the world. But I can't help it when they lodge themselves into my cracks and unravel the real me. I unintentionally show them glimpses of my true self and they reel me in. I think I'm being very smart not letting them in but they're already there lodged deep in my heart and I realize this fact too late. When they've already damaged me. Already broken the trust I've given them. Scarred me so bad that I flinch away from trusting the next person.

The Book Thief.

So in almost every one of my blog posts I mention my love for 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak. Finally, I'm gonna be talking about it.

I read 'The Book Thief' for the first time back in August of last year. I remember going home and I was traveling by train. If any of you have read this book you'll know that there's a very important train scene. 16 August. That was the date I finished it. I was in this cabin in the train with me in the middle bunk and my cousin above me. He kept knocking from his bunk trying to tell me something irrelevant while I was under my blanket crying my eyes out. I'd just finished the book.

It's not that this book has an amazing storyline or something. The genre's kind of historical fiction. Set during Hitler's time. World War ||. There are a billion books written about this time. How cruel the days were. How hard it was to just be. No, that's not why me along with millions of others love this book.


I love it because the narrative is amazing. Because the words touch your soul. Because it's written in such a unique way. It's written by Death. That enough was to make me love it. Death isn't a narrator we readers come across easily. Infact I'm sure many of us have never read a single book written by Death. I love it because it's beautiful and it makes you feel. Feeling is amazing. Every page. Every sentence. Every word makes you feel. And does it feel good. Before reading this book I didn't know that my heart was capable of feeling so much at the same time.


This book changed me. I'm a firm believer in the fact that books can change you. Every book teaches you something. This book taught me the most. To feel. To cherish. To never regret. And to love.


Whenever I recommend this book to someone, I don't tell them to read it. I tell them to experience it. It's a rollercoaster of emotions. And not the kiddie one. Definitely not that one. So here I am. Hoping someone reads this book because of me and goes through the same amazing journey that I did.
Experience it.

End Of The Chapter.

When someone leaves your life, due to whatever reason, they leave a hole behind. A vacant, empty space that no other can fill. It will throb and tremble as you try to move on. As you retreat into the space where everything reminds you of them. As you pull yourself out of the shell and realize that the world is still teeming with possibilities. One person leaving you does not stop the flow of people entering your life everyday. Give them a chance. Take control and make your future your own so you never get the chance to regret, to look back and say 'I wish I would've done that.' Learn from the past. Realize that this isn't the end. What you think to be the end is just a door opening into the future. And you are invited.

Random Chat.

I have recently realized that my writing, well most of it anyway, is sad and depressing. I intend to change that and write about rainbows and sunshine today. Hmm. Here we go.


Let's start with something that I'm grateful for : being able to write. There are some people who express themselves by their actions, some who choose to do it by their voice and others who use words. I, obviously, fall into the last category. Words are my reprieve when the days become too long and the feelings inside of me are about ready to burst. Then I turn to my pen, and the ink leaks out of them without me realizing it. I prefer to write longhand. It gives me more control and I feel like I am getting somewhere. Although it sure is a pain sometimes to transfer my stuff to the computer.


I'm not the kind of girl who always has her nose buried into her notebook, hand scribbling wildly almost tearing through the pages. But I do like to sometimes cut myself off from the world, curl up on my most comfortable couch and write (or read...it depends). Somedays I prefer my own company over others.


My words would probably tell you more about me than anything else. If I write something specially for someone, then that person better cherish it because I cared enough to write for them.


Let me just say that reading something written from the heart can give you a tiny glimpse into a person's soul.
More people need to realize this and maybe next time they see someone writing in a notebook or typing away at their computer, they won't judge.

Random Clicks - January.

Random Clicks of January. 

Amazing brownies I made from a new recipe I learned. ♡

Outfit of the day pic for when I went to a historical trip to this beautiful castle.♡

Bonfire night in the backyard with family on a chilly January night. We sang songs, shared stories. It was a great night.

Some random arm candy arrangement. Studded wrap and bracelets from Claire's. Watch from Marc by Marc Jacobs.

All pictures taken by me and posted on my Instagram.

Left Me Scarred.

Where do people go when you need them? Mostly intentionally but sometimes unintentionally as well. Why do I feel like no one cares at that moment when I want someone to prove me wrong? And then at my lowest, when I want to use words as friends and pages as best friends, my hands shake and my mind blanks, making me unable. Words fail me. I trusted them like I did my 'real friends' and they did the same. Abandoned me in my time of need. How do I put down these thoughts swirling around in my mind? How do I assemble this puzzle? I scattered the pieces. Now I don't know how to answer these questions. So many questions...

Lost Chances.

We get second chances from our loved ones. And thirds. And fourths. But there comes a time when you've used them all up. Then you reminisce. You regret. You hope for that one last try. Promising that you'll get it right this time. But when someone's fully given you up, there's no going back to what you had.

She truly feels.

She feels everything so strongly. Passionate I call her.

The hate. It makes her boil. Ready to unleash her anger, not caring of the consequences.

The pain. A crushing demon pushing her so hard into the ground that she wonders how she can even get up in the mornings.

The sadness. A small, faint ache in her that throbs for someone. Like a bruise. Harmless enough but hurting when poked.

And the love. It's like a joy to her. A big ball of happiness that makes her so happy that she feels full enough to burst.

Dedicated to a friend.

And his eyes said...

And his eyes said all that he couldn't dare to.

When you know someone so well, you can just tell how they are feeling. One look at their face and you know how their day went. When you are with someone for a long time, you learn to see a pattern, a way that they live, something that makes them who they are. Makes them the person you love. Not everyone in a relationship has such a bond. It is rare. Having someone who understands you, to me, is the greatest thing. What more could one want than to have their loved one to know them truly? Besides isn't that what everyone wishes? To be understood and not judged? I know I do.

Scattered Thoughts.

Disappointment is worse than sadness.
When you're expecting something, anything, from someone or something and when you don't get it you may be angry or sad. But behind that, deep in your heart, there's a different kind of pain. An aching one. Disappointment. Disappointment over the days you wasted. The hours you spent analyzing and re-analyzing everything. And disappointment over the fact that this thing changed you, made you bitter. When it should have done the opposite.

What hurts me the most...

For me, the thing that hurts me the most is when the person doing the hurting is unaware of it. Here I am, blaming this person for something, that according to them, they didn't even do. A crime that they didn't commit. I might've felt it so hard that it brought me down. Changed the way I feel about them. But there they are. Totally unaware. Oblivious to the way my heart has been trampled on. The question arises. Will they ever realize? Will they ever ask me if what happened to me, what changed me, was their fault? If that silly comment, that ignorant joke, left me scarred? Probably not. But then it's their own fault that they lost someone who could've climbed mountains for them.  Someone who truly loved them.

Bedside Stack. #1

Beside my bed, I always always keep a stack of books. Usually it's three or more. The stack includes : a book I love, a book I recently finished, a book I'm currently reading and one that I hope to read next.

Book I love - The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

This book is one that made me realize a lot of things. Good things. As well as bad. GO READ IT!

Book I recently finished - The Book of Tomorrow by Cecilia Ahern

A quick read. Not too bad. Nothing special. A nice thumbs up!

Book I'm currently reading - The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

I've been rereading this amazing piece of art and reminiscing about the first time I read it. I JUST LOVE THIS BOOK!

Book to be read - A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

I've read The Kite Runner by this amazing author. He has the power to move you with words. I cannot wait to pick this up as soon as I finish The Book Thief.

So there you go. My bedside stack of this month.

Books that make me cry...

Not every book makes me cry. And its not necessary for a good book to be able to make me cry. For example Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare has made me shed buckets of tears and its not even one of the most amazing books. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak on the other hand might be my most favorite book. Ever. However, it hasn't made me cry. I've teared up many times while reading it, but haven't shed a single tear. What I'm trying to say is that I have a special place in my heart for books that have made me cry. Reason being that the words are so powerful that they've moved me to tears. Basically grabbed my heart and crushed it to pieces. Leaving me to scramble around to recover them. There are books that I've read that have literally changed me. I've been in a kind of drug induced stupor for days. Just thinking. And absorbing the effect of that book. I admire those people who have the ability to make you vulnerable enough to cry through something they've written. I admire them. Truly.

Hope.

My heart leapt at the sight of the shooting star, hoping against hope that my wish would be granted. It flew across the sky, lighting it up with its burning glow. It soared perfectly, leaving behind a near invisible arc of light.
'So, said a voice behind me.'What did you wish for?'
I was so immersed in watching the path of the shooting star that I jumped, startled. I didn't even realize who it was until I turned around and saw the lean figure, golden brown hair flowing in the slight wind. I smiled slightly at Dan, my best friend, who had his hands in his pockets and was looking at me for an answer.
'I don't believe that a shooting star can grant any of my wishes' I chose my words carefully.
'Don't we all?' He was looking at the now empty sky with no trace of the star. He turned to me again. 'But you still wished, didn't you Tara?'
He was smirking.
And I was reminded of Graduation day, all those months ago, of him hugging me tight saying "WE DID IT". Even then he'd smirked the same way. I tried not to think about what happened next and how I'd broken his heart.
I turned then, started walking down the path. It led to a lake near the farmhouse where Dan, Maddie and I had learned to swim.
So many memories tonight.
'Don't we all?, I copied him. 'We humans like to believe in fictional things like wishes.
'Even if we don't say them out loud'
'What?'
'Even if we don't actually say the words,' he explained, 'our hearts just hope, you know?'
I did know. And I wanted to tell him that but I knew that it would bring on a whole round of questions so I opted for teasing.
'When did you become so philosophical?' I nudged him with my elbow.
'I've always been the wise one in our little trio, you've just been unaware of it.'
His tone was teasing but he looked at the lake, thoughtful.
He went and sat at the little hill beside the lake and patted the ground next to him.
I sat and thought of Maddie.
'If you're the wise one and Maddie's the energetic one - he laughed at that - then what does that make me?'
He looked over at me and I almost gasped. The moonlight fell on his face making his eyes glow, his whole face was glowing. His lips pulled up at the corners and he said a single word.
Beautiful.
At first I was confused,  thinking that he knew what word I wanted to describe him with but then I remembered the question I had asked.
And then I did gasp, realizing that he meant it truly.
Instantly his expression changed to one of embarrassment.
'I'm... I am sorry,' he said, rubbing his hands over his face. 'I shouldn't have said that. I know that what we should... I mean what I want us to be is totally new to you. And it... it... I really don't know how you feel about being more than friends. I know I promised that I'd give you time and that slipup. I just hope... Just. Sorry.'
His shoulders sagged then and he went entirely still. He still had his face in his hands and I knew he was distressed.
For a moment we were both quite.
'Dan,' I began. 'I could never... I don't know how to say this but you shouldn't apologize to me. It's my fault that we're in this mess. I'm the reason you're hurt and I am sorry. I really am -'
'Don't.' He was looking at me again, with the beautiful gold of his eyes. 'What we're going through is no one's fault. Somethings just happened at the wrong time and I wouldn't go back to change it if I could.'
'No?' I was surprised.
'No. If anything, I just know now that I care for you more than I thought I did.'
I gave him a sad smile and he grinned.
'Damn,' he said as he got up. 'I thought high school put enough drama in my life. Now I gotta deal with college drama too?'
I grasped his outstretched hand and he pulled me up. I dusted off my jeans and looked up at him. And I couldn't help it - looking at him smiling and happy, trying to lighten my mood when I should've been the one to do that for him - I burst into laughter.
Dan looked shocked. 'What's so funny?'
'You.' I managed to choke out between giggles.
'You think I'm funny, huh?'
There was something in the tone of his voice, something playful, that compelled me to look up. He grabbed my hands twirling me around as I screamed with dizziness. And I let him. Knowing that my objections would hurt him. And I enjoyed this. This joy and these carefree moments that only he brought. We laughed, dancing and singing out of tune. All the way back.

25 Random Facts About Me!

1) Writing is my passion, as you can tell by the content of this blog.
2) I have an obsession with even numbers. I like keeping things even, like the volume on my tv, the number of sweets I eat etc
3) I love reading. DUH.
4) <--- lucky and favourite number.
5) I trust easily but don't share a lot with anyone.
6) Fave fruit : Strawberry.
7) My goal this year is to read 100 books. I'm on track at the moment.
8) I have an unhealthy obsession with Nutella and Peanut Butter.
9) I love Rawan. DUH.
10) I love baking and not to brag but I'm pretty good at it.
11) I have tons of makeup and love to experiment with it.
12) I have a large pile of autograph diaries, journals, cards, slam books and pretty notebooks.
13) I'm pretty blunt. I'm not mean but would probably unintentionally hurt your feelings with my honesty.
14) Fave animal : Cat. But I've never had one cause my mom's allergic.
15) I just moved to a different country. Away from my family. To an uncle's house.
16) Instagram is my favorite social platform.
17) At my old school I took part in tons of school programs. I've hosted shows/debates, arranged parties, done speeches, and also taken part as a debater.
18) I'm a proud Swiftie.
19) Chocoholic and die hard coffee fan.
20) I'm very sentimental and keep trinkets and souvenirs from trips and special occasion.
21) I've always wanted to learn to play the piano.
22) Fave TV show : The Vampire Diaries.
23) I hope to find someone someday who understands me and loves me for who I am.
24) I don't believe in love at first sight.
25) My goal in life is to be independent and always be able to provide for myself.

You know me a bit better now!
Thanks for reading.

Love.

It's a strange thing. Love. It softens even the toughest heart. You say you won't fall for it. For him. But who are you trying to fool? No one but yourself. You don't know when it happened or how. One day you just wake up and think, "When did I get in too deep? When did I change?" Because that's what love does. It changes you...

Therapy.

I'm still in that 'Retreat' mode that I talked about in my last post. I've just been exhausted. Mentally that is. My way of therapy is baking. One of the many ways to be honest. I love the way everything has to be measured precisely or else everything goes wrong. I love the way it takes my mind off of things whatever it may be. And obviously I love the treats I get in the end. Chocolate chip cookies they were today. They were so yum that I've been asked for the recipe from a couple of people. #proud Too bad they disappeared before I could take photos. My mouths watering just thinking about them. Mmm.

Retreat.

Sometimes I need to take a step back, away from life, from the people in it because if I don't I might burst with all the feelings within me. I retreat, into the darkest room of my house. Sometimes I have music, sometimes I prefer to sit alone. Arms wrapped around folded legs. Thinking. Absorbing. Just breathing. Today I have my phone. Clicking away at the screen.  Wondering about all the things going on at the moment. I can hear my family. Loud as they are. In the kitchen baking a cake. Coffee cake. Kids playing outside. Running from the dog. Television turned to the news channel. And me. Separate. Solitary. In this dark space, where I hope no one will find me. Not yet.

Random Clicks.

PS:  All pictures have been taken by me and posted on my personal instagram.